“I’m allowed to lie to you and then set a boundary that you can’t probe the lie when you sense something is amiss” is some top-tier manipulation. You skipped straight past D and A, and came with RVO right out of the gate.
If you had said pretty much exactly what you said, but then followed it up with “But of course, you forfeited your right to police the other person’s behavior when you started lying to them about important things, so none of this generally-sensible advice applies in your case” I would actually agree with you. Nothing in the advice is really totally off-base. But, also, don’t lie about big stuff.
I wouldn’t say lying that you have an ex that you don’t actually have is a “big lie.” I mean yeah its a lie he shouldn’t have made, but I wouldn’t call it a big lie or even an important one. It does set a precedence of lying, which is bad, but the lie itself is one that really holds no weight on tge relationship (besides the act of lying in of itself). However the partner is not beyond fault either. Being this pushy about an ex is (I feel) a red flag. In the end, both parties involved are being stupid and toxic and probably just shouldn’t be together in the first place cause it will just escalate unless they can grow enough as people.
What?
“I’m allowed to lie to you and then set a boundary that you can’t probe the lie when you sense something is amiss” is some top-tier manipulation. You skipped straight past D and A, and came with RVO right out of the gate.
If you had said pretty much exactly what you said, but then followed it up with “But of course, you forfeited your right to police the other person’s behavior when you started lying to them about important things, so none of this generally-sensible advice applies in your case” I would actually agree with you. Nothing in the advice is really totally off-base. But, also, don’t lie about big stuff.
I wouldn’t say lying that you have an ex that you don’t actually have is a “big lie.” I mean yeah its a lie he shouldn’t have made, but I wouldn’t call it a big lie or even an important one. It does set a precedence of lying, which is bad, but the lie itself is one that really holds no weight on tge relationship (besides the act of lying in of itself). However the partner is not beyond fault either. Being this pushy about an ex is (I feel) a red flag. In the end, both parties involved are being stupid and toxic and probably just shouldn’t be together in the first place cause it will just escalate unless they can grow enough as people.