Eagle

catchy accordion music starts playing

No, the issue is that Microsoft officially supports only two versions of Windows. And support of the older one is ending next year. They are forcing users that are using perfectly capable hardware to artificially switch to - for many - needless new hardware.

I have options like “Screen Size” and “Screen Adjustment” but they’re blacked out / disabled.

Okay but what were they thinking? Create more hype so that more people start questioning things? Release the game on a platform that has the best refund polices in the industry?

Like what?