why can’t I go back
You can in a way. But not by trying to live / experience what you already have.
That joy you felt was the feeling of experiencing something new for the first time. Want that feeling? Go out there and experience something new the first time. Make a habit of it.
I made it through until Win11 announced (Had to because of work). Once 11 was announced I just said fuck it, and have been Linux since.
I no longer have any computers in my house running windows except a 10 year old Laptop that is available for the really weird and off windows requirements (like ESPHome programming)