• Monument@lemmy.sdf.org
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      3 months ago

      I had this happen to me in my 30’s. (Sorta.)

      Polyamory - a woman who hadn’t been taking on new partners started dating me. My other girlfriend’s husband began awkwardly pursuing her with no grace or finesse. It got awkward. An acquaintance learned that I was dating the second woman (who had also only recently gotten back into the scene), and began pursuing her.

      It’s like some guys think that because a woman is available to one (well, two or three), she’s available to all. It felt very much like blood in the water to a shark.

    • Randomgal@lemmy.ca
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      3 months ago

      I agree, but there’s is also the reallity that if you have no hobbies and no passions other than gooning you’re going to come off as pretty uninteresting and boring to most people. Some would call that being low-value

      • Wanpieserino@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Nah low value isn’t about hobbies and stuff. That’s teenager stuff.

        It’s quite easy… be dependable, be able to communicate, be good looking, charisma, …

        Girls don’t give a shit about your hobbies unless they also have those exact same hobbies.

        • Randomgal@lemmy.ca
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          3 months ago

          I mean sure buddy, but are you gonna open up the bar with “Let me tell you how dependable and good I am at communicating.” or are you gonna show her that by telling her about your hobbies and how you stick to them despite hardship. If you can’t talk about what you like, how are you gonna talk about the difficult stuff down the line?

          I’d say well groomed is more important than “good looking”. If you look clean, your clothes are well fitted, hair and nails well trimmed and show some basic hair and skin care you look good regardless of what your face actually looks like.

          Thinking that hobbies have no value, that’s teenager stuff. So is thinking that what applies to one woman applies to all.

          • Wanpieserino@lemm.ee
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            3 months ago

            Well groomed… really wasn’t necessary. I just wore a t-shirt and whenever I was interested in someone I would take off that t-shirt.

            I was age 21-24 though, so teenager stuff might still have applied.

            Met my wife when I was 24, now 6 years together.

            So yeah, my experience with women basically is from age 17 to 24. As teenager, it was all about hobbies etc.

            Now as a married man… my wife doesn’t give a fuck bout my hobbies, she’s pregnant so she wants someone dependable. Long term relationship so we need to be communicative.

            Hobbies… we do things together. Outings, watching series. She suffers through my blabbering bout economic stuff that she really doesn’t care about. She watches me workout for the so maniest time.

            When you’re looking for a relationship, all you need to do is have fun. Be charming. Your hobby can be whatever. They want you, not your hobby, not your grooming. If you’re fit and you can make her laugh, that’s all you need.

            • Randomgal@lemmy.ca
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              3 months ago

              I mean sure, different people have different preferences when it comes to grooming. My point is more along the lines of: It doesn’t matter how funny you are if you stink and your hair is greasy.

    • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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      3 months ago

      I’ve learned from my female friends that the bar for men is so fucking low. Basically shower regularly, listen to what other people say, know how to keep your home relatively clean and don’t be a creep and you’re immediately in the top 30%

        • mholiv@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          I don’t think they did. The bar is pretty low and still applies if you’re poor or rich.

          No need to bring incell culture here.

          • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            3 months ago

            i’m bringing incel culture here? did you notice notice this is a post about “incel culture” from and incel?
            besides, the notion that a financially unstable man has a hard time dating is not an incel concept… it’s just straight up reality.
            i’ve even seen good reasoning regarding a woman’s risk of pregnancy vs a man’s risk….

            i could go on, but it’s a straight up fact that: no money -> no honey

            and i do not blame women, i blame capitalism and patriarchy.

            incidentally i actually met their hero, Elliot Rogers… aka, the incel school shooter….
            he was very rich, his dad directed Hunger Games… aside from being a psychopathic piece of shit, incel has nothing to do with money, it’s about how they think they can’t get laid with their idolized tall blond woman without being a chad or whatever….

            tl;dr the bar is low but definitely includes financial stability… not wealth.

          • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
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            3 months ago

            6 figures, 6 feet, 6 inches is on a lot of people’s profiles.

            If you were rich it would probably more than double the number of people who are interested in you.

            Part of why there are so many idiots self assigning as incels is because we refuse to agree with them when it’s fair.

            This shit culture perpetuates itself all over the gender spectrum.

        • shalafi@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          I’ve had sex with 50+ women in life, many way above my “value”, and most from when I was broke as fuck. Anyone that thinks it takes money to get laid is making excuses for something. And BTW, I’m 5’8" and 140lbs., a “manlet” I think I’m called?

          As it turns out, I’m horny and a genuine human being. Women respond to that. (I also give good head. Write that down.)

          • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            3 months ago

            lol, yeah ok romeo.
            i don’t think “it takes money to get ‘laid’”.
            i’ve never heard the term “manlet” before.
            also, i give better head than you.
            ….
            also bragging about 50+ women is pretty gross… and misogynistic…
            women aren’t just expensive jizz rags.

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        They choose to be low value when they get bitter about their assumption they are low value.

        I’m glad I had someone I wasn’t attracted to pursuing me early on because it led to the realization that giving in to that bitterness would just seal my fate when I was feeling down about rejection. Part of the bitterness was wanting someone to say, “hey, no, that’s not the case” and date me to make me feel better, but from experiencing the other side of it, I knew there wasn’t anything she could have done to make me into anything other then friendship and the more she pushed, the less I’d be sympathetic, not the other way around.

        Things didn’t turn around right away when I realized that, but it was an important part of the “don’t be unattractive” rule. There’s more to it, of course, but being whiney and bitter is pretty unattractive to most people, I’d guess.