“With God all things are possible… Except the Epstein files, even God can’t help you there.”
I just realized…GOD is in the Epstein Files. Oh, it all makes so much sense now!
It all started with the virgin Mary, then God couldn’t help himself and created Epstein so he didn’t feel so alone in His diddling!
When Jesus said “suffer the children come unto me” that’s not what he was talking about
-Carlin
It was sick when he said it, and it still is.
You guys, we have the best opportunity. Next time they hold a Rapture, we all just go completely cold turkey silent for like, three days. Let them all think they’ve been left behind. Then we all come back to social media and the rest of the real world on the third day like, “whoa, that was so cool, what was your favourite part of it?”
It’s 2025 and the Daily Star is now considered one of the more relevant and trustworthy news sources. And not because they’ve improved themselves.
In our era, a new way of winning the race to be the British Newspaper with the most Journalistic Integrity appeared: just stand still as a tabloid with little or no Journalistic Integrity whilst everybody else just runs by you in the opposite direction of “better” on their way to Pure Propagand Outlet.
What if they gave a rapture and nobody left?
What if the rapture happened and the only thing that dissapeared were the Epstein files?
Oh God, don’t even give them any ideas. I’m already worried with all this symbolism trying to make Charlie Kirk into Jesus they’re going to try and claim he was resurrected at some point.
“This was all part of God’s plan.”
Every time the rapture doesn’t happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
I really should get into the property market around the time the next rapture announcement comes out because surely they’ll be selling all their houses off right. If you timed it right you could go on a really expensive holiday and save money by not paying for a return flight.
I think I saw someone selling “rapture insurance” a while a go. Iirc they pay a one time fee to get on a registry and they would go around and collect pets that didn’t get raptured with their owners.
Don’t forget the annual renewal fee, by automatic withdrawal. Make it expensive, and do it just before Christmas.
That sounds like a nice little grift to get into. Usually I have to reject these ideas because I have a moral compass, but I might be able to ignore it to fleece gullible MAGA religious freaks. I don’t mind separating the money from racist, pedophile traitors.
Why make it a grift? Start reaching out to them to check in after each rapture prediction, and you can get word-of-mouth business!
What? But the rapture was last night, didn’t anyone tell them?
“Oh, it was last night, and YOU are still here? Sorry, buddy, that sucks. Well, not for me, I wasn’t expecting it. I’m just happy that we’ll have fewer arrogant self-righteous Karens.”
Every time the rapture doesn’t happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
That has to be some sort of Logical Fallacy. If the rapture hasn’t happened yet, then it stands to reason that it must happen in the future. That part isn’t in doubt, it’s the actual date that is controversial.
I mean, assuming you believe the rapture is real in the first place. You have to make that illogical leap first.
It’s like a variant on the Gamblers fallacy. They believe there’s a chance, and so every failure means a success is closer
It sounds so stupid when you break it down like that.
And yet the gambler’s fallacy hits pretty hard to a lot of people. I know I struggle with it. We as a species tend to organize our world in the form of narrative and intents. Randomness kinda fucks with us in that regard.
That said, the rapture part is stupid. But there’s also more to it. When Prophecy Fails is a famous book on the topic
I was going to say “gambling” semi ironically.
They are more convinced. “When prophecy fails” was first published in 1956, it’s well documented.
It is so utterly insane that so many humans that I share this planet with are basically in a doomsday cult, and what really gets me is that you’re considered an asshole or an extremist if you ever say something like “I hate the doomsday cult and the people in the doomsday cult are stupid”. You get called intolerant etc etc. You’re damn right I’m intolerant of a bunch of morons who have literally no incentive to care about the long-term well being of our planet and species. Just because the doomsday cultists happen to share the same name for their beliefs as people who are substantially less insane than them does not mean that they get a pass on being insane or that they get to be entitled to the same degree of respect that their less insane counterparts are entitled to.
I’m tempted to say well, at least they also want the Epstein files to be released. But the people with this type of mentality are just going to sit around waiting for some literal miracle to take place to release the files, because they believe in miracles and that’s not an irrational plan of action as far as they’re concerned.
I hate the doomsday cult and the people in the doomsday cult are stupid
By “doomsday cult”, do you mean the very specific subset of Christians that follow the rapture conspiracy theory or all Christians? Because one of those answers is fun and games and the other actually does mean you’re an asshole, extremist and intolerant.
Just because the doomsday cultists happen to share the same name for their beliefs as people who are substantially less insane than them
Yes, the other Christians are who I am referring to here. Although I do believe that the fundamental way of religious thinking (belief contrary to logic) does inevitably degrade into the behavior of the doomsday cult, in the same way that a seed inevitably becomes a plant given the conditions that it latently seeks out. So while I do not hate your everyday type Christian, I do think it is important not to create the conditions that they seek out, as that will result in a hate-worthy entity before long. The particular conditions, I believe, are an environment where they cannot be questioned, an environment where logical thinking is not valued, an unequal ability to disperse their beliefs while others cannot, etc. Given those conditions, harmless beliefs will expand to become harmful beliefs in the same way a liquid conforms to whatever container you put it in. This goes for any kind of belief, not just religious ones. But religion is a smart enough meme to encode the importance of creating that environment as part of its core values, which makes it a belief that is at especially greater risk of degrading into harmful behavior. This much is undeniable, as you hardly ever see people getting in doomsday cults over their favorite type of cheese or other non-religious beliefs.
So no, I don’t mean all Christians, but in the same way that all Christians think I deserve to go to hell in my current state but may still treat me with kindness in hopes of what I may become, I believe all Christians deserve to be treated with suspicion and wariness in their current state in hopes of what they may NOT become. All things considered, I think it’s a pretty de-escalating stance for me to take.
Faith is such an interesting concept. Believers can make up interesting statements like this, but if this statement is true, then so is the following: God was okay with Epstein’s activities, otherwise God would’ve intervened. Right?
Naaah we’re just too stupid to understand how god operates. Don’t even try, just know that god loves you and shut up about Epstein /s
God is all-powerful and all-knowing. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Every touch, crime, etc. by Epstein was God’s specific will or it wouldn’t have happened. The Lord works in mysterious ways!
The files need to be released already. That’s one thing I can agree with the cultists with
Wait people were taking the rapture seriously
My aunt is basically a crazy evangelical, and yes, she thinks we are living in the end times, and wants to usher in the end times faster so she can get to heaven. Its batshit insane.
It’s mental illness is what it is.
All religion is mental illness, it’s just so common it isn’t politically correct to tell that truth about it.
Bud, my entire family says this every time I talk to them. Which is rare, thankfully.
Kooky shit.
I can suggest a way she can get to heaven more quickly.
Dang they truly believe US is the center of the world. Is absolutely baffling.
Fundies think they can force God to do something.
If God existed, he’d be smacking them down hard for this level of arrogance.
Many fundies, especially Prosperity Gospel folks, see God as a vending machine - prayer goes in, whatever you ask for comes out.
not even god knows what’s in the files? this does go deep!
Sure, okay, whatever, just release the Epstein Files. I’m not religious, like at all, but if that’s what it takes, I’m fine with it.
its not just christians that are disappointed TBH. I was really kinda hoping they were right this time…
A world without Christians?! Sign me in!
They’re so fucking self-important.
